Dear Uniqlo

Dear Uniqlo, please don’t go the way of Target and do so many collaborations that they all become meaningless. It’s just like what our mothers used to tell us about love. Wait for someone special! Who’ll treat you like you should be treated.

I have nothing really against Charlotte Ronson, and in fact I once had a very good time at one of her sample sales. But then I realized that 5-inch platform boat shoe slingbacks aren’t really walkable if you live in Brooklyn and work in Manhattan, and now they’re just another thing taking up room in my Buffalo Exchange bag.

uniqlo-cronson-1

I’m all about brights for spring (so the first one is out) and the second one is just too cutesy. I’m almost 30! There, I said it. I don’t feel like I can really go around wearing halter tops printed with sailboats anymore. AMIRITE?

uniqlo-cronson-2

While I don’t really love these next items, I do actually love Vena Cava. They make amazing dresses, use beautiful fabric, have interesting designs, and it’s true what Racked said about each of their collaborations still being so clearly Vena Cava. But again, these clothes make me feel a tad old.

uniqlo-venacava-1

It’s a crop top with a long modesty panel! And I don’t like those shirts that are sort of made to look like they’re a bustier over a sleeved shirt. It reminds me of those v-neck sweaters with little shirt collars sewn to them. Like dickies. Once when I was in second grade, we had to get a gift for someone else in Girl Scouts, and my mom made me take a dicky. It was traumatizing.

uniqlo-venacava-2

These I actually do like, but jersey dresses are sort of the last thing I need in my closet at this point.

uniqlo-cosatella

all original pics via The Cut, clever updates via me

The Costello Tagliapietra collection is elegant and has some innovative design features, but again, I’m sort of over the jersey dress thing. My comments:

1. I see this on an elementary school art teacher at a “fancy” dinner, worn with tons of boho jewelry.

2. My cousin is six months pregnant, and this dress reminds me of what her stomach and belly button must be like.

3. I think I just bought a silk version of this on sale at Oak.

 

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