…SUCK. The BK Hookup Office Party was basically an empty ballroom populated by the saddest collection of bottom-of-the-barrel single men and a DJ who put on JT’s album for the first half of the party. And even the marvel of Justin could not distract us from the fact that the guys that came up to talk to us wanted to discuss things like their childhood pets. They had rabbits. Uh huh. I was like, “OMG, my favorite hoodie is cashmere with rabbit fur lining!” Conversation killer, that one. My fault.
But the worst part was that everything online about this party claimed there’d be an open bar from 7:00 to 8:00, and the copy was specific about it including “strong drinks like scotch and soda.” And when we got there? No open bar. We were duped. The organizers claimed that a “hacker” got onto their site and changed the info. Yes, that’s what hackers do. They love to hack into high-security local singles events pages and fill them with lofty claims of open bars and 10-minute massages and hot Santas. Can I just say that a sweaty guy in a black wifebeater is NOT a hot santa? Ew.
Best part: according to their formula (first pet + street you grew up on), this is my porn name. I sound like a state senator.
PS I’m afraid of what search terms people are going to use now to get to my blog.